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The Phase

 overthinking, confusion, who I am, and what is my purpose in this life. really is there anything like this ''purpose of life' or it is just a philosophical term, overwhelmed by movies. at this stage, I don't know what is am doing, what I have to do, where I want to go, or how to stable myself & my family, day by day condition is becoming worst and worst. I'm becoming lazy, useless, and irresponsible, and want to do some things, but not doing them. not feeling like doing it. I have lost my fourth job also. my sisters are really disappointed, angry, and mad, at me. they lost hope in me. my elder sister is taking care of my parents, she sacrifice many things in her life till now. she is 35 now and not yet married. the second sister is 31. they had many hopes for me, that I will make their life happier, will earn a good amount of money to make their life better, I will take all responsibilities and will take good care of my parents, but till now I have failed to do...
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Am I going WrOnG

Someone had correctly said. Women can make you achive whatever you want, and at the same time she can distroy as well. It is you who have to take a decision where you have to stop and whome you have to take ahead.   At this stage there is a women in my life as well. I'm not looking at her as my love, and I made it clear to her also. But at the same time we are not just friends. We had been physical with each other. We became physical with eachother. We did sex as a friends. It happens out of attraction.  Though I'm saying that I'm not in love with her but I think she is. I think she is just waiting for me to sey het I love you. If I express my love to her, definitely she will accept it. It is also not like that I'm just physically attracting towards her, but there r some emotional feelings also. But I can't call it as love.  Because of all these I'm getting distracted from my problems, from my goal, from my carrier, from the things which r really importent to me...
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The UnDuLaTiOnS

At this point I really don't know were I'll land up, regarding relations, connection, friends, people, nd financially.  I don't know whether this is my nature or any problem I have. It keeps on following me everywere. I able to build nice good relations with the people, with my friends or any other person i meet, I try to be as humble as I can. I always see that good one in every person I meet.  but i don't know After some point of time I don't even want to talk to them for no........ reason. I don't even Bother to look at them. It is not like they r just my hii buy type friends. After building a good relations with them I treat them like this. Not talking to them, not looking at them, not texting them. Nd it's undulating. Because of my personal problems whenever I feel low, depressed, falling apart; instead of talking to them, taking their help; l break connection with them.  Right now I'm not able to handle my  personal problems. I don't want to te...
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ThAt LaZy OnE iNsIdE mE

 Yes......... I think I'm lazy. I always pretend to be a very hard working person, very dedicated person towards work in front of others. But I think I'm lying to myself. Basically I'm an attention seeker. I have some ego/ negative attitude inside me. Because of that attitude only I'm not getting success in my life. Right now I'm standing at my chai katta in Bangalore. I always come here. Main purpose is not to have tea but to seek attention. Frankly speaking, whenever I come here I think about some girl will observe me while standing at my corner. She will get impress or will get attract towards me, and I will find my love here.  I know this is thinking is not right. If I continue doing this then I will ruine my life. Everyday I think that is way is not good and decide to stop it, but it didn't happen. Some force attracts me towards these things. I'm finding it really difficult to resist this. My main problem or you can say weakness is girl. Or in broadway ...
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CONFLICT INSIDE

 Took a decision of going behind the dreams without thinking about the problems. Means not letting the problems take over my dreams. But.......... there is a conflict or u can say dilemma inside whether I'm doing correct or not, whether ii will find the answers or solutions by going in this way. Many times this this thought comes in my mind that really am I achieving anything.  Don't know why but money can't withstand by me. Whenever money comes to me, imidiatly some or in other way it go away from me. Currently I am getting more deduction massages than credit ones. May be some intangible reasons would be there or may be I'm only doing unnecessary spendings. I think I'm only spending it unnecessarily.   I don't know yarrr. But reason kuch bhi ho, ek baat toh hai ki haat me paise rukta nahi. May be some ansisteral problems. But I can't give such kind of excuses.  The people who don't know to earn they only give such excuses for their whole life. Pr bhai p...
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SpAcE aFtEr WoRkSpAcE

 This space is like an addiction. Something is there in this space. Some kind of intangible energy is there which makes me come here every day.  Every corner of it have it own feel with all kind of enthusiastic people. All the senior citizens enjoy the sip of coffee seating on their everyday KATTA @ MaIyYa'S cAfFe. Don't know what jadu is there in that coffee, but it is like addiction to them. It is not only about the coffee, it's all about meeting their friends, spending the best evening time. Irrespective of traffic and hussel- bussel there is a different kind of peace is there in this air, which makes them to come here everyday. I tho feel a reathum in this traffic also.  another is occupied by one more katta for youth & middle age group called as 'HaTtI kApPi'. It's a chai cum paan shop. Not much crowded, Settelled under a big beautiful tree, deemed ambient lighting. There r two more corners on the opposite side of a road . this side or road is more happ...
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DoN't kNoW wHy

 So....... here I'm, alone on Sunday. Pretending to be happy, enjoying, enjoying my own company. My impression on others is like, I'm a lone traveller who wants to enjoy his own company only. He don't want to travel with his friends or colleagues. I only made that impression on them, to make them impress, to make them curious about me. But..... I think I'm faking myself.  Truth is, I don't want to be alone, I don't want to travel alone. I always want to be with my friends, or with the one who can understand me. With whome I'll feel comfortable.   
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