The UnDuLaTiOnS

At this point I really don't know were I'll land up, regarding relations, connection, friends, people, nd financially. 

I don't know whether this is my nature or any problem I have. It keeps on following me everywere. I able to build nice good relations with the people, with my friends or any other person i meet, I try to be as humble as I can. I always see that good one in every person I meet.  but i don't know After some point of time I don't even want to talk to them for no........ reason. I don't even Bother to look at them. It is not like they r just my hii buy type friends. After building a good relations with them I treat them like this. Not talking to them, not looking at them, not texting them. Nd it's undulating. Because of my personal problems whenever I feel low, depressed, falling apart; instead of talking to them, taking their help; l break connection with them. 

Right now I'm not able to handle my  personal problems. I don't want to tell my problems to my friends or people around because generally people don't like to hear other's problems. Many times they just want to be with happy nd happening persons. That's why I try to be happy nd hapenning all the time. But................ Sometime these thoughts of problems overcomes that happiness. I can't help it at tha....t perticuler moment. 

There is one more aspect of 'TRUST'.  Ya; it's a big word. It is really difficult to trust anyone. At least for me. Because it really hurt if it gets broken. People likes to njoyyy such things. They don't care abt it because they hv their own life. They r also okay at their place. They just listen seriously in front of u, nd make fun of it behind ur back. But it okay; We should not expect anything from anyone. If we do, then that is our mistake. 

That's why I don't want to tell anyone nd try to be happy. But Sometime I can't act like everything is fine even if it is not in front of them. That's why I avoid them whenever I get disturbed. I don't talk to people. Nd when I gather myself from that situation, sometimes it get late nd becomes difficult to retain those connection. Nd at that point I loos my people, my friends, my relations. 

I don't know when this cycle of problem-> connections-> relations-> friends falling apart will stop nd I'll get a balance life. ................................................................................... Really don't know when.  Right now it seems like it will stop after death only.